I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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