Plan B is the new Plan A
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
