Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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