I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
