I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
