you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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