It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
