Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
