Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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