i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
