Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
