I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
