Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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