Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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