i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
