oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
