After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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