He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
