Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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