She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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