Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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