she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
