The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
