I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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