I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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