From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
