mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
