Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
