dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
