Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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