Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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