Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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