So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
