I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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