Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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