And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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