Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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