Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
