the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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