Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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