a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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