As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize