Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
