She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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