Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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