dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
