Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
