just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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