Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
