I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
