i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
