Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
