I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
