I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize