I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
All the doctor said was why
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
