i need an iv and a liver transplant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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