got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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