i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
