you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
