I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
