Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
