i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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