This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
