Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
