Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
