that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
