So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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