So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
jump out the window naked night went bad
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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