woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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