I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
