The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
