Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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