Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
